Darcy Does April
by Akumi99
Summary: This will be a group of one-shot responses to the April Challenge on Tumblr. They will all feature Darcy.
1. Request for Asylum

Hunching behind her desk in Jane's lab, Darcy tried to calm down while simultaneously preparing for an attack when she suddenly felt the distinct sensation of eyes on her ass. Tucking and rolling under the desk to the other side she tried to spot who the perpetrator was, but the thick braid her hair was in slapped across her eyes causing them to fill with stinging tears.

"Satan's hairy balls!", Darcy snarled quietly. It always looked so easy in the movies when a badass woman had her hair in a braid and demolished her enemies in blaze of elegant glory. Just another insult to her lifelong goal to be as awesome as Angelina. She'd sign up for the next course on battle appropriate hairstyle S.H.I.E.L.D taught if she made it out of the lab alive.

Blinking rapidly to clear her eyes, spitting out hair, Darcy rolled onto her toes and took deep even breaths. Remembering information from a book she read that contained a lot of training montages Darcy peeked around the desk from the right side and caught the shadow on the far left of the lab shift silently and subtly closer to her position. She swallowed the instinctual hysterical panic anyone sane would feel when an assassin was stalking them and ducked back behind the desk as her racing thoughts took time to thank Thor that action books were apparently more reliable than action movies.

She could do this, even if she was defeated in a humiliating and horrific way, it was a fight to the death. A Viking's Funeral was really the only way to go and to deserve that she'd have to go down in that blaze of glory. She may not be even remotely close to the bamf-ness that is Sif, but she'd not disappoint her lightning brother.

Silently lowering herself to lay stomach down on the floor she reached into the awesome black cargo pants worn just for this horrendous day. Pulling out a round ball that fit snug in her hand, she carefully waited for the shadow to move just a little to the right. This waiting game was more geared towards the assassin as he was also a sniper, and heaven knows they can sit ridiculously still for an absurd amount of time, while she couldn't stay still long enough to not paint her entire toe when she tried to do her nails.

There! Grinning a little madly, Darcy valiantly held in the evil cackle. With unholy glee she pressed the almost invisible button on the side of the ball and immediately rolled it towards the shadow while preparing to make a break for the lab doors. Crouching on her toes to keep an eye on the feet of the shadow, Darcy felt no guilt as the ball broke apart and spewed out a foul-smelling gas in a surprisingly large cloud.

"Holy Hell! What is this!?" yelled the appalled assassin as he choked, trying to breathe.

Letting lose her cackle Darcy booked it for the doors even if it meant missing the hilarious outcome of her stink bomb. Being a scientist wrangler for Tony Stark had its perks even if it meant taking yoga classes from her other scientist Bruce to manage her blood pressure. Besides, yoga does wonderous things for a body, yes it does. Eye candy, hello. And yeah, maybe bruce had claimed a yellow alert once when she leered a little too openly, but she's learning how to not be so obvious.

Just as she'd cleared the doors to sweet, sweet freedom and delicious fresh air (Tony Stark did not skimp when he made stink bombs apparently) an arrow struck the wall of the hallway in front of her before exploding. Letting out an embarrassingly girly shriek Darcy dived for the floor with both hands covering the back of her head. She'd seen what exploding arrows did on the news footage from the whole New York Aliens fiasco okay? Don't Judge.

Not willing to make an immobile target she started spider crawling further down the hallways and as far away from the lab as she could get. Holy Thor, this crawl took muscles she didn't even know she had. Refusing to move at a snails pace, Darcy jumped to her feet and sprinted down the hallway. She only got a few feet before hearing the assassin begin to chase. Heart leaping in her throat, she picked up speed and banked a hard right towards Agent Everyone-Is-Just-Waiting-To-Become-My-Minion's office, her heavy braid beating against her back with every step. Seriously, the braid is a mistake up there with that time she thought she could sing and dance to "Single Ladies" in four inch heels during Karaoke after seven or ten tequila shots. On the plus side, a doctor was in the bar and was able to administer first aid in record time.

Heaving and desperately ignoring the stabbing pain in her side and thighs, Darcy skidded around the last corner and put the last spurt of energy into her legs and made the fatal mistake of glancing behind to see how close the hell hound was to catching up. Whipping her head back around, she was just in time to slam face first into the closed door of her sanctuary.

With a disconcertingly dull thud and the bastard child of a grunt and yelp, she bounced off the door as she flailed unattractively, trying to find something to grab onto. Luck finally looked down upon her as her flailing hand grasped the doorknob and twisted it as she completed her drop to the ground.

"By the power of Grayskull, everything hurts! Asylum, I plead for immediate asylum!" Darcy yelled as she tried to tuck and roll into the room, because everyone knows thinking you were safe before you actually got inside your sanctuary was another fatal mistake. Unfortunately, her muscles rebelled and she more flopped through the doorway than rolled, her body not willing to tuck. "Bloody hell on a pogo stick. Son of Coul, be a bro and avenge me once I pass. I fought bravely, but the opposing force was too great. "

With an almost silent sigh, which was the equivilant of someone else screaming and hurling things in frustration, Phil Coulson very deliberately set down his pen and stood to move around his desk towards Jane's assistant who was currently dressed in all black battle gear, with combat boots, cargo pants, and a bullet proof vest. She was also covered in glitter sticking on every available surface with what appeared to be liquid adhesive.

"Are those platypuses?" Phil asked with a twitch of his brow.

Blinking up at Agent He-Who-Chuck-Norris-Bows-To Darcy tried to breathe deep enough to stop the spots floating that were making everything slightly rainbow-tinted. Not as awesome as she thought seeing in rainbow colors would be. "Wha-"

Darcy was interrupted by the sudden arrival of the assassin who, she noted with resentment, didn't bump into anything and wasn't nearly as out of breath as her. He did, however, waft a revolting stench into her supposed sanctuary. Trying to hold in another evil cackle, Darcy watched the warrior breathe through his mouth in a vain attempt to be free of the stink while rapidly blinking his red and watery eyes. Man, Tony Stark REALLY doesn't skimp on stink bombs. His eyes are kind of doing that red and puffy thing hers did when she had the monumentally horrible idea to try out what pepper spray really did first hand. Now she kind of felt bad, because that was a mistake even above the "Single Ladies".

"I am unfriending you as soon as I can get this stink out Darcy!" He bellowed, coughed, and then tried to glare menacingly, but his eyes squinted more than glared.

"Let's not be hasty here! You dumped water on me from the vents earlier, perfectly timed for when Charmicheal was passing. You know Charmicheal is a creepy creeper who creeps Clint! He has pictures of me I don't even know about! Now he thinks I set that up for him! Also, exploding glitter arrows, really? How original," Darcy sneered. Well, she tried to sneer, but her eyes were also experiencing some technical difficulty with that rainbow vision. Crossing her eyes, she noticed it was, in fact, a bright silver platypus that was reflecting the lights from the room in kaleidoscope of color directly into her eyes. Grunting, she reached her floppy arm up to tug the mammal off her eyelid, tearing off two lashes at the same time. "And now you're causing me to become deformed! Those could have been wishes in the future you know!"

"Children." Came the calm and slightly muffled voice of Agent Every-Spy-Movie-Ever-Was-Based-Off-Me. Clint and Darcy snapped their gazes to him, noting he somehow put on a gas mask without even moving, and yet they still felt his disappointed stare keenly. "If you're both quite done, you can vacate my office, clean yourselves up, and report back to me to clean the disaster you've inevitably left in your wake."

"Yeah, about that, you might just want to cordon off Jane's lab, seal the doors, and run the biohazard protocol. Also, the glitter is all his fault. I at least had the awesome foresight to contain my mess," Darcy sniffed, childishly stuck her tongue out at Clint, and studiously ignored Son of Coul's second sigh for the day.

Clint's eyebrow twitched as his fingers clenched to keep from rubbing at the stinging in his eyes and he growled at her. "You're going to help me clean every piece of glitter or so help me I'll make you the volunteer for the tear gas in the chemical exposure course!"

"I've already done that course, and you know what, I was going to help, but you just had to get all mean. Biceps, I am disappointed in you, " Darcy said in a hurt tone, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Aw, Darce, I'm okay with that. I know those aren't real tears either, so you can stop. Come on, before Coulson actually starts using that pen he's picked up," Clint said in a slightly exasperatedly affectionate tone, reaching out a hand to lever Darcy from the floor. "Even though it's horrible, you did great on defending yourself Darce. Took me by surprise, and did I see you spider crawl?"

Leaning slightly away from him even as her hand squeezed his in return affection, she chuckled weekly. "What an error in judgment that was. My thighs will never forgive me. Are your eyes going to be okay? I really didn't think it would be that bad," Darcy said with slight remorse, even if she didn't regret it. They both started stumbling out the door, okay, Darcy stumbled and Clint wrapped his hand around her arm to stabilize her. They both continued to ignore the stare of Agent I-Faced-Down-A-God-And-Survived they could feel itching up their spines.

"They'll be fine babe, nothing a drench shower, eye wash, and ice won't fix. How's your head? That was a spectacular collision with the door. You really should know what a fatal mistake that was from every horror movie ever," Clint reassured and chided all at once, even as his fingers ghosted over the already growing bump on her forehead. Never let it be said sharp shooters couldn't have layers.

"It hurts like I tried to open a door with my face. And yes, I knew even as I looked back it was a mistake I wouldn't come back from. Now I understand all those skimpily clad co-eds a little better. It's instinctual. When you're not actively thinking and just running, it's like a default reaction. At least I wasn't running through the woods because Thor knows I would have tripped over a conveniently placed tree root, twisted my ankle and never have made it to safety. Wow, you really are just wafting that stank all over the place. It's potent," Darcy grimaced as she pinched her nose closed and wobbled towards their room in the S.H.I.E.L.D H.Q. On a second thought, she tugged his hand and headed towards Bruce's lab since he was gone for the day, refusing to be around a bunch of hyper aware people with guns especially today. "Lets use Bruce's shower station. I really don't want that smell in our room or the glitter. Will this glue wash off with just water? Please say yes."

Grunting with a nod she didn't see, Clint followed her into the thankfully smell free lab, avoiding the glitter platypuses that littered behind her. They started stripping as soon as the doors locked and Clint pressed the button to black out the glass. Immediately they both rolled up their clothes and tossed them down the incinerator shoot, there was no salvaging them. "Aw, boots, no," Clint lamented as he noticed they too carried the horrid smell. They too would burn. New boots were always a pain in the ass to break in.

"Sorry. I know you loved them, babe. They're going to a better place now," Darcy comforted with false sympathy, patting his bare chest and ignoring his answering scowl. Yum. Stroking his lovely pectorals lightly, because she never could stop herself, the glue caking the platypuses to her skin started to itch and crack. Sighing, she stopped petting Clint and walked into the stall, slamming her fist on the button that made the pressurized water hot and not cold.

Feeling Clint step in behind her, his abs and hips sliding against her ass and back, she sighed in appreciation. Darcy turned around in his arms and reached for the industrial and chemical grade soap to start cleaning that smell and the glue from them. As much as a quicky appealed, his eyes and her head wouldn't allow it. Damn Tony Stark for never half assing anything, and damn doors.

Clint leaned into Darcy's touch as she ran the soap over his chest and stomach, feeling his muscles relax. "I think we definitely beat our pranks from last year Darce, " He mumbled with a slight grin.

With an answering grin, Darcy wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned up to kiss his warmed lips before laughing. "Happy April Fools' Day baby."


	2. The Shipper's Heart is Volatile

"No! Joo Won, don't do it! Why would you believe that she-devil!?" Darcy yelled at her laptop screen while jumping up and waving around the peanut butter and jelly sandwich she was having for lunch. Choking a little as she got tangled in her headphones, she felt a bitter anger fill her heart. Darcy scowled as the male lead in "Secret Garden" called one of her favorite female leads ever a liar and a gold digger. "I'm tired of your crap Joo Won, you arrogant son of chlamydia infested whore! You make her cry again and I'll find you and bitch slap that sneer off your face!"

Baring her teeth, Darcy sneered back at Joo Won before grunting and flopping back into her couch and ripped a chunk of sandwich off with her teeth and chewed vigorously between petulant mumbles. Without moving her eyes away from the screen she reached for her milk and let it soothe her mouth after all that angry chewing and started twitching as it was taking too long for the drama to get back to the main couple. Sure, she loved OSKA and wanted him to be happy too, but he needed to get the hell off her screen right now.

Coughing on another bite, she squeaked and started flapping her hands in excitement, the sandwich flying off somewhere behind her and landing with a wet smack against something. "Yes! Yes, Joo Won! She's the mermaid! Bubbles! Don't let her be bubbles anymore!" Darcy squealed like the invested fangirl she was. Her hands clenched together in front of her chest while she leaned towards the laptop, eyes wide and focused.

Feeling someone tap her shoulder, Darcy swatted at the offending finger while making shooing motions with the other hand, her eyes never swaying. Sucking in a breath, Darcy moved even closer to edge of the couch with breathless anticipation and all-consuming hope as one of the theme songs started playing, the tragic sounding harmonica solo making her heart clench in her chest.

The excitement and vindication of Joo Won finally running after Ra Im burst inside Darcy and made her feel giddy and overloaded with energy. She jumped to her feet once again with a yell of victory, her hands flying out above her head as she shimmied and wiggled her version of a touchdown dance. "I love everything about your beautiful face Joo Won! You go get our girl!" Darcy crowed with a smile even while struggling once again with the uncooperative headphones.

As the lone tear rolled so beautifully and tragically down Joo Won's face, Darcy's eyes began to mist, her hand reaching towards the screen in sympathy. "It's not your fault Joo baby, you didn't know. It's going to be okay," Darcy comforted as the happiness settled comfortably in her chest and she blinked away her tears. With a pat on top of the screen, darcy sighed a little wistfully. "You're a good man Joo Won. You did good."

Suddenly her headphones were yanked out of her ear and she was forcefully turned towards the looming Director of S.H.I.E.L.D, his one eye glaring down at her with dark promise. Darcy yelped and teetered on her feet in disorientation. The glare he was sending her was so piercing she double checked to make sure he still had an eye patch because it shouldn't be possible for someone to glare that scathingly with only one eye.

Darcy gulped and averted her gaze back towards the screen, because even if angry Dread Pirate Roberts intimidated her like the fiery deathbot didn't accomplish, she didn't want to miss the reconciliation between Joo Won and Ra Im. She was so close to the scene she'd been waiting forever for and it was ripped away. It's like getting an ice cream cone after a horrible day and being just about to taste it's wonderful comforting deliciousness only to have someone snatch it out of your hand and eat it in front of you. She knows that soul-crushing feeling first hand, thank you very much Clint Barton!

While she scrambled to think of something appropriately innocent to say Darcy noticed the brown and red smear on N-to-the-k's signature leather coat. The hair on the back of her neck stood up as she began immediately praying to Thor for rescue, because she definitely knew where her PB&J landed and she was pretty sure the shady super secret top spy of a spy organization did not let people plead fangirl mode as an excuse for throwing food at him.

Fury's hands clenched slightly on her biceps and she looked up at him from under her eyelashes in appeal and perfectly rational dread. "Okay, so I may have hit you with peanut butter and jelly, but really, what's a little thrown food between a boss and minion? And it was one of the climaxes of the drama, you know how long I've been waiting to watch this episode! I'll dry clean your spy costume and it'll be as good as new! Hell, I'll even throw in a new eye patch, even get a leather one to match! I won't even bedazzle it!

"Also, I'd just like to point out here who the spy is. If I can hit you with a sandwich without even looking, we're all in trouble here. So, technically, this is just as much your fault as mine, maybe even more yours since you employed your spy tactics to sneak up on me but couldn't even dodge. What's with that? Also, it's National Reconciliation Day and you're making me miss the fated and longtime coming reconciliation of my OTP! I think we're pretty much even here, so let's call this a wash and mo-"

"Darcy," Nicholas, top BAMF of all BAMFs, said in an even tone with his eyebrow arching dryly and demanding at the same time somehow.

Darcy hated when he used that tone and that damn eyebrow. There were so many combinations between them and all of them meant so many things at once. Somehow it always made her feel like confessing every single sin she'd ever committed. Biting her tongue to stop the desperate word vomit about how she stole Barbie clothes and silly putty from a supermarket when she was eight because Emily Diamond had all the new ones and was a little shit who acted like having all the new limited edition Barbie clothes made her the boss when it came to group playtime. Also, her last name was Diamond and that was already enough bragging rights for one who acted evil enough to be Regan's twin. He probably already knew anyways. Freakin' spies.

"I'm sorry okay! What do you want from me?! I mean, I might be able to get Jane to open a time portal that will send me back just in time to stop the dreaded lunch from accosting you, but it'll take a while and a lot of pop tarts! Do you have any idea how expensive pop tarts are getting? You could buy ten jackets with all that money when it's all said and done! I don't know why you're being so mean about it!" Darcy bursted out, arms flailing and eyes accusing as if he had yelled at her instead of just said her name.

Sighing, Director Fury dropped his hands from her arms and reached over for a napkin, silently wiping away the remains of Darcy's lunch from his chest. The combination of silence and his eerily calm moves ratcheted up the tension and looming doom tremendously. Darcy twitched and her palms became damp. There was a distinct chance she was still a little over emotional and not reacting rationally because of the emotional highs and lows watching Kdramas caused. Normally she wasn't this terrified of silence, but spies had this awesome ability to speak an awful lot with their silences.

"Stop it! Stop making cleaning PB&J an interrogation method! I'd rather be waterboarded! I already said sorry!" Darcy exclaimed, holding her hand up in front of herself as if to ward off his cleaning.

The All Seeing Eye looked down at her as humor filled his gaze and he tossed the soiled napkin into the garbage can without even looking. "Darcy, I'll forgive you if you dry clean my coat and owe me a favor whenever I ask," Fury said, his tone not portraying any of his amusement. He shrugged off the coat and tossed it towards one his visitor chairs, walking over to sit behind his desk. A fresh peanut butter and jelly sandwich sat on a plate atop the desk covered in saran wrap with chocolate chips on top in the shape of a one-eyed smiley face. Quirking that damnable eyebrow at her, he reached for the plate, his lip twitching infinitesimally.

Her lips quirked in response and she felt herself relax even as her heart warmed and her mind came back down to reality. Kdramas were a lot like a drug that way. Bouncing over to his desk with her hands tucked behind her back, Darcy leaned over the desk and smiled at him. "It's also National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day. I figured we could both celebrate. Although, I didn't intend for either of us to wear it in honor of the day," she teased, taking off the saran wrap and nudging the glass of milk towards him. She knew he often didn't eat lunch at work because of back to back meetings almost every day and she always tried to sneak easy to eat food into his office to snack on throughout the day. Luckily, today she had an excuse to feed him a slightly more filling lunch, even if it was almost dinner time.

Nick grunted and took a bite of the sandwich and swallowed before gesturing towards the mini viewing area Darcy had set up on his couch and coffee table. "What ridiculous show have you started watching now? My assistant said you were yelling about chlamydia and whores? Are you trying emotionally scar the agents again?" He demanded, which really was just the equivalent of anyone else asking a polite question.

"Oh, Joo Won's mother is a chlamydia ridden whore. Seriously, thank god neither of us has to deal with parents because it really just doesn't seem worth it," Darcy said with a nod as if Kdramas were representative of real life. "But Joo Won totally got his memory back and remembered who Ra Im was and went after her as true love and every romantic comedy demands he does. Only he remembered a memory he had repressed due to trauma before he even got amnesia. He actually remembered everything, the whole elevator incident. See, when he had amnesia his mom told him Ra Im was -"

"Darcy, I honestly don't give a damn about Joo Won or Ra Im's dramatic and sordid love life. Next time either go home to watch it, shut my office door, or don't yell at the top of your lungs like you're watching Monday night football. Yes?" Nick said before finishing his sandwich and milk, the fondness in his eye taking the sting of what otherwise would be a command. Learning to speak Pirate Spy speak was a long and arduous road, but she'd come far.

And he wouldn't know cinematic art if it slapped him in the face. She wouldn't waste time being offended, and frankly she wouldn't know what to do if he suddenly started watching her Kdramas with her. Besides, her OTP is awesome and she will go down with that ship. She shrugged and leaned further over the desk to kiss Nick's cheek and run the tips of her fingers over his other cheek as he leaned into her touch. "Deal," she whispered with a soft smile. She grabbed the dirty dishes and piled them on top of her own so he could set out his work. "You have an hour before I demand we leave and I'll let you use that favor when we get home. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll be entirely too worn out to do anything but sleep. Get to work."

Smirking up at her, Fury snatched her free hand and brought it to his lips to kiss her palm with surprisingly soft and warm lips. "Thanks for the late lunch Mrs. Fury," he chuckled roughly with a charm rarely seen and only ever expressed when they were alone.

Struggling not to swoon like she always did when he called her Mrs. Fury, Darcy took her hand back, sniffed regally, and turned back to her waiting laptop as he turned on his computer. Shaking her head to dispel the dirty thoughts that suddenly invaded her head, she marveled at his technique. Now, even if he worked beyond that hour mark, she'd remember the kiss and charm and soften towards him. Freakin' spies.

Grabbing her blanket and wrapping it around herself she put her headphones in her ears and shot finger guns at her computer. "It's just you and me my sweet ship. Sail for me," Darcy demanded with more affection than a fictional couple really warranted. She went back to right before Joo Won got his memories back and fell into the story once again, her emotions jumping back to where they were the first time she watched this scene. Darcy didn't even notice the presence beside her until she had to blink back the tears when Joo Won shed that single tear again.

Startling and looking at Natasha watching the screen intently, Darcy smiled. Natasha was really the only person Nick let in his office if he wasn't working on anything extremely top secret because Natasha never told anyone else's secrets, especially if they were from private domestic times. Darcy ignored the twitch of Natasha's lips when she noticed Darcy was getting teary eyed and popped out one earbud and handed it to her. Natasha put it in her ear and Darcy would swear she sighed happily when the harmonica started playing. 'Tasha really was the best Kdrama buddy. She understood.

Finally, they got to see the emotional reconciliation. If Darcy cried, Nick looked at her fondly, and Natasha had to look away from the screen, no one else would ever know.


	3. Just Keep Swimming

The trail before Darcy suddenly twisted and went into a steep incline, marking the very last straw of this complete shittastic day. If this trail elevated, that meant she was going the wrong way because hiking up a mountain was the absolute last thing she wanted to do right now. Realizing she'd spent almost the whole day going the wrong direction snapped something inside her.

Darcy's head fell back as she let out a hoarse scream that echoed around the vast nothingness that surrounded her. "Motherfucking shit fuck fiery douche canoe!" she tried to yell, but that scream stole the last of her voice and it came out a harsh painful whisper. Tearing off the long and heavy tweed coat, she slammed it onto the leaf covered forest floor and pointed a raging finger at it and her surroundings. " Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck YOU!"

Panting and a little light headed from the surge of rage, she tried the deep breathing that always seemed to work for Bruce when facing his rages. She snorted in disdain because anger management was not one of her gifts and the deep breathing only made her realize how dry her throat was.

Her hair was wet with sweat and sticking to her neck and face, her clothes were clinging to her sweat soaked skin, the once white button up shirt turning a disgusting yellow in some areas, all thanks to it being almost a hundred degrees Fahrenheit out. She'd already had to pee once in the underbrush, obviously without toilet paper because she didn't trust any of the leaves enough to rub them against her vagina. There was road rash on the right side of her face, she's pretty sure at least one finger on her right hand was broken and her right knee had gone from throbbing to screaming. Her whole right side was just one huge fucking nerve ending of agony. The blisters on her feet had blisters and she couldn't help but imagine blood and pus filling her shoes with a shudder of revulsion. Deciding to ignore having to face that image and not having the supplies to take care of it anyway, she forced herself to turn around and go back the opposite way. If she sat down she'd never get back up now.

After two steps she turned back around to grab the tweed coat with a detachable cape from the ground and walked stiffly towards the underbrush. She hid the coat behind the bushes and weeds she had grown to despise since this all started and made sure it wasn't visible. Groaning, she stood up and continued backtracking her course. She should have taken off the coat right away, but she honestly didn't think she would get this lost and the brown color blended in more than the bright white shirt she wore underneath. She didn't know when the asshats that took her would realize she'd escaped, but if they found a way to follow her, she didn't want to paint a target on herself.

Once she realized she had run into a forest with trails she had just assumed there would be directional markers that would help her reach a campsite or a ranger station. Apparently wherever the hell she was didn't believe in having clear markings. The only signs she saw were ones pointing different directions with names she didn't know and in some cases appeared to be in a different language entirely. That had been a terrifying moment when she saw the first sign in what looked like Russian and was sure her kidnappers had somehow taken her all the way to Russia. She had followed the sign since the trail didn't seem like it was headed upwards and came across two more signs that were in English and she awoke from that nightmare.

Darcy wished she had paid more attention in middle school science classes when they went over vegetation and how to identify plants and trees because she was lost and kept repeating the mantra "One, two, three? Leave me be," in her head.

Today was supposed to be a fun day, damn it, she ranted in her head as she just kept walking. She'd had her Sherlock Holmes tweed coat with a matching Deerstalker hat, she'd even bought a pipe from an antique shop to complete it. Sure, it was technically just National Tweed Day, but why not go all out if you're going to rock the tweed? This was all whoever decided today should also be National Walk to Work Day's fault.

She worked in Stark's giant ego monument and lived there, but to adhere to the day Darcy had decided to go out early this morning and walk to a little bakery she loved and get doughnuts for bribery purposes. Sometimes Agent Single-Handily-Took-Down-A-Ring-Of-Gunrunners-Before-Breakfast liked to try and make her adhere to a more professional dress code, and Darcy found that if he had a red velvet doughnut with cream cheese filling he looked the other way. In fact, she's pretty sure Son of Coul started making subtle remarks about her clothes because he saw her bribe Jane the same way and he wanted to profit as well. Spies. What can you do?

So as she was walking back towards the tower while arguing with herself about whether it was feasible to eat a messy doughnut and walk through the throngs of people at the same time or not, one of those people bumped into her roughly, jarring the doughnut box. Darcy bemoaned the inevitably smeared doughnuts she'd be left with because when they get tossed against each other the frosting ratio is never even for any given doughnut. Some will have more frosting now and others will be bereft of it. It just ruins the entire experience and causes tussles over the more frosted ones.

Turning to glare at the frosting ruiner, Darcy's vision swam and her mouth became parched. Rapidly blinking her eyes, pulse racing, she physically couldn't make a sound any louder than a whimper as the man wearing a black sweatshirt put his arm over her shoulders and started steering her towards an alley, her doughnuts littering the sidewalk behind them.

No one looked at Darcy and her kidnapper.

No one cared enough to.

Her thoughts were vague whispers and the panic clawing through her veins became an obscure mental rambling. She knew she was in danger, she knew something horrible was happening, but couldn't seem to grasp onto anything long enough to care. She was shoved carelessly into the trunk of an older car and darkness swallowed her.

She woke up with a bitter taste in her dry mouth, dry eyes, and an uncoordinated body. Instant panic swamped her and she had to slam a hand over her mouth to stop the scream building in her chest from releasing. She ended up slapping her forehead and poking one of her eyes, but it broke the hysteria, so she'd call it a win.

Everything moved fast after that. The minimal training she took for such occurrences kicked in and she kept pretending she was in an action movie to keep her sanity. She wasn't ready to face this as reality. Darcy took inventory and found she only had her clothes and her coat, her hat lost, and she started looking for way out. She knew she was in a moving car, the radio blaring and engine thrumming. At least it seemed they were on a paved road since it was a fairly smooth ride and she thanked Thor for small mercies.

Trailing fingers against the truck lining closest to her feet, Darcy once again thanked Thor for them having an old car, because she knew how to open the trunk from an old episode of "Psych" where Shawn was in a remarkably similar situation. Ripping away the hard lining, the sound was covered by the loud music. These kidnappers were obviously new. She studied the back of the break light and let out a relieved breath to see it was easily detachable. Maneuvering around to get the best force, Darcy kicked out her leg sharply, sending the light flying off towards the road.

Waiting those few minutes to make sure the kidnapper(s?) didn't notice the sound was torturous, but once it passed Darcy struggled to turn around in the compact space. When her hand fit through to outside her eyes misted, but she refused to cry now. Straining as far as she could, Darcy reached the trunk release and pulled while her other hand was ready to catch the trunk door so it wouldn't fly up. One tear did fall when she found it unlocked and it released into her waiting hand, the fresh air hitting her face.

Forcing herself to focus even as the adrenaline set her blood on fire, Darcy cracked the lid a tiny bit and tried to estimate how fast the car was going. If someone was already following her for a rescue, she'd jump out regardless. Since no one seemed to be close to finding her if she jumped out and injured herself too bad she'd be an easy target. Taking in her surroundings all she saw was what looked like a mini forest of trees. While she wasn't a fan of hiking through nature, she recognized it for the shelter it was.

Deciding the speed seemed to actually be just a little above twenty miles per hour, she took a bracing breath and rolled as close to the opening as possible. Taking another breath because the first did nothing, she ignored the tremors in her hands and reached one out to grip the outside of the trunk. In a sudden explosion of movement, Darcy lifted the lid and used every muscle possible to propel herself outwards in a tucked roll while trying to close the lid behind her with the hand still gripping it.

She hit the road with a disturbing thump, her right hand ripping from its grip on the still moving car with a hollow crunch and pop she felt echo in her mind. Luckily, she landed on her left side so her head was protected from the initial impact and she had time to throw up her right arm before a full role and protected that side to avoid head trauma. Unfortunately, she wasn't fast enough to stop the right side of her face from dragging against the cement. Her knee jarred heavily against the ground and that right hand was raging in agony. Forcing herself to stay in motion and continue the role, she rolled right into the underbrush on the side of the road.

Not taking the time to pause, Darcy searched for the car and saw it still driving down the road in the distance, the lid miraculously closed. Holy shit on a stick, she'd fucking done it! Taking a few breaths to relish the win and get accustomed to the pain she refused to focus on more than it took to assess if she was able to be mobile, she let the happiness from accomplishing her getaway settle. Darcy ignored the tears streaming down her face, mixing with her blood. She swallowed the bile at the back of her throat and her eyes burned in determination. She pulled herself up and trudged into the forest for camouflage in case they came back and just kept walking. Staying in one spot wasn't a good idea and using that road wasn't an option.

In hindsight, she should have stayed in the trees but followed along that road until she hit civilization because now here she was, almost an entire day later, still walking and fairly certain all that luck had run out. The bile was back at the base of her throat, the nausea from dehydration causing a dull panic at the base of her neck. If she didn't find someone soon or stumble across a water source she wasn't going to last much longer. Whatever drug they had used dehydrated her before she even started dripping sweat and hiking while ignoring her injuries. The road rash on her face was starting to smell and itch, her lips were so chapped they'd started peeling, and the only liquid in her throat was her own blood.

Time seemed to blur together and it was hard to decide if it went by fast or slow. The sun was setting so she knew her compass directions, but that helped little when she had no idea where she was or which direction she needed to go in. Stumbling to a stop at another fork in the road, where three arrows with unhelpful names pointed in different directions, she chose left because she was already tilting that way as her body tried to keep in motion. The brief pause made her limbs feel boneless and her head lightheaded as if stopping was no longer a thing her body did. Everything was becoming numb and the only thing that mattered was continuing on. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming," Darcy mumbled in a scratchy voice, a slightly deranged laugh falling from cracked lips.

She had long ago blocked out that voice that whispered to her that she could stop, someone would happen upon her, rescue would find her even if she didn't move and now tried to think about the political ramifications the Avengers disavowing any political or organization affiliation would have on their future missions. Those thoughts only made her desperation for a rescue worse so she switched to mentally singing the theme song of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" instead because she used to watch that when she was a kid and it brought a meager amount of comfort to her. She never could concentrate enough to get to the last verse, her mind becoming disjointed and thoughts feeling heavy and unreachable.

She didn't know how long she had limped down her chosen path, but it was almost completely dark when a girly shriek and loud laughter broke the oppressing silence from her right. Jolting slightly, she had no energy for more movement, Darcy lurched in that direction. Desperate hope swarmed her and the world narrowed down to only that sound. "Please, please, please make more sound," she whispered because her voice wouldn't work anymore. Blood dripped down her chin and filled her mouth from moving her ravaged lips.

She stumbled through the underbrush, making a keening noise as she accidentally used her right hand with the definitely broken fingers to stabilize herself. She refused to stop. She absolutely refused to be one of those tragic stories in a movie where the lost hiker was so close to salvation but falls and can't get there. Darcy put every last shred of energy she had into continuing towards that sound. Nothing else mattered, not the new scrapes the rough bark caused on her palms, not her feet tripping and stumbling because it was too dark to see more than a foot in front of herself, nothing but that sound.

She had never really understood how horrifying it was to want to scream for help but literally not have the ability to do so until right now. It always seemed like an exaggeration movies used to hype up the drama. She'd never mock those scenes ever again because fuck, this was horrible.

Just when Darcy's frenzied thoughts were taunting her and whispering the sound was a hallucination, a male chuckle filled the air, quiet enough that she'd have to be close by. She struggled to see through the trees, body still moving forward, and her breath caught when an orange glow backlighted the trees to her right. Shifting that direction, her eyes never strayed from that glow. Her breath came faster, she swallowed the blood in her mouth, and her eyes stung like they wanted to tear up, but there was no water.

She wouldn't die out here.

She wouldn't. She refused.

Please don't let her die out here.

Reaching the edge of the trees was the best accomplishment of her life and the dulled weak adrenaline gave her one last boost. Stumbling into what looked like a pre-made campsite, her eyes locked onto the four people circling that orange glow with a fear they weren't real and a soul deep hope that they were. One of the girls shrieked, and Darcy could sympathize in some part of her mind because if their situations were reversed she'd shriek at her too.

The other three jumped up and looked at her with varying expressions of shock, concern, and fear, but no one moved towards her. A part of her was frustrated with their lack of action but a fog had set in her brain once that last adrenaline rush left her system, and her body was crashing. Just as she was about to pitch forward and face plant into the grass one of the men jumped towards her and gently helped her sit down. She wanted to bow down to them all, cry all over them, and name her first child after the dude in front of her, but she still couldn't make a sound to even say thank you.

Listlessly motioning to her throat, she looked into the surprisingly nice brown eyes of the guy kneeling in front of her who was talking to the other campers with him in a loud voice, though she couldn't make out all the words. His eyebrows furrowed, then his eyes widened in understanding as he scrambled up and fetched a bottle of water. He unscrewed the cap and tipped the lip of the bottle against her lips, which was nice of him because her arms wouldn't be able to hold a feather safely.

"Can you understand me? Are you hurt seriously anywhere? We're calling 911, but it'll take a bit for them to make it here. We're pretty far away from any road," Brown eyes said slowly while keeping eye contact and not letting her drink too much water.

Darcy licked her lips and tried clearing her throat, but it felt like she'd swallowed razor blades and she decided to never do that again. The water certainly helped, but her throat had been bone dry for more than ten hours by now. The damage had been done and it needed time to heal. She nodded and pointed at the phone the other man wearing a neon yellow shirt was talking rapidly on. "Use...pho-" she rasped, her voice floating away before finishing.

"You want to use the phone? We already called 911 and the operator wants to stay on the line. It'll be at least forty-five minutes before they make it up here with a stretcher board," Neon Yellow said in an honestly sympathetic voice.

"Phone..." Darcy once again choked out in a small whisper, her face serious and determined. Holding out a shaking hand for the phone, she looked into Neon Yellow's eyes and tried desperately for a commanding aura.

It must have worked because he handed over the phone. Darcy ended the call with unstable fingers and started dialing Coulson's number. Remembering the number was like swimming through molasses, but she entered them all correctly. She stopped before pressing send and locked eyes with Brown Eyes while pointing to herself and whispering, "Darcy."

Bless him and all his future generations because he nodded seriously, took the phone from her and pressed send. Darcy's eyes did that useless stinging thing again and some of her appreciation must have shown because he smiled at her sadly and touched her foot softly. She flinched. Even a soft touch sent stabbing pains throughout her foot. Her feet had already started to throb madly and ache worse than before as soon as she'd sat down because she was no longer walking on them and all her muscle aches seemed to wake up one by one. He snatched his hand back immediately and mouthed a sincere apology.

She didn't know how Coulson answered his phone but Brown Eyes straightened a little and he took a deep breath before speaking. "Hello, this is Brian Larson and I'm calling on behalf of a Darcy?" Brown eyed Brian said unsurely. Coulson must have appropriately freaked out and started asking questions in that brisk emotionless tone he always adopts on missions because double B seemed startled before answering. "She stumbled into our camp in Harriman State Park about five minutes ago and wanted the phone to call you when we said we called 911. She's in pretty rough condition. I'd guess severely dehydrated and she has what looks like road rash on the right side of her face that looks like it's infected. Something's wrong with her right hand too since it's swollen and she hardly moves it, and there's blood from what I think is her mouth. That's probably from the dehydration cracking her lips and I'd guess her throat also since she's not able to talk above a whisper and only one word at a time. Other than those, she looks entirely beat up, but I can't see anything critically wrong and she hasn't indicated there was anything that needed immediate attention," Brian said in an almost professional tone.

Darcy blinked at Neon Yellow in confusion, hoping he'd explain while she tried not to worry about what he said about her throat cracking. She supposed that explained why it felt like claws ripping up her insides when she tried to clear her throat earlier, she just didn't really want to face what that meant. She'd been hoping that blood she'd been tasting for a few hours now was just from her lips. She didn't particularly want to think about internal bleeding.

Neon Yellow nodded at brown eyed Brian as he lifted the water bottle to her lips since she'd been able to hold down what she'd drunk before. "He volunteered as an EMT first responder one summer after high school," he said before taking the water away, and she wanted to whimper at the loss.

So Brown Eyes used to be the equivalent of a baby EMT, but that's still higher than her, so she'd take it. Darcy hoped Coulson would call the paramedics to tell them they weren't needed and had already sent someone to extract her because she knew he starts tracing any unknown numbers that call his personal cell phone before even answering, and a situation like this is exactly the reason he even gave her the number.

Brian ended the call, a furrow between his eyebrows, looking at the phone in confusion. "Your Uncle said your kid brother would be here in five minutes and the rest of your children in ten," he said in a disbelieving tone, eyebrow arching in a confused question.

Darcy snorted and immediately regretted that decision. An inferno raged in her throat as a reprimand. Grimacing, Darcy nodded minutely to tell him that yes, that's exactly what was about to happen. She was a little startled he'd send them all, but it made her twitch with impatience for them to get here. At least, she was almost certain she knew what Coulson had meant, but what if that wasn't it at all? What if it was a more complicated code she missed? Banishing those thoughts because that way lies madness, she tried to stay in the present.

Christ on a cracker, everything hurt. In fact, everything hurt so much that it took her a minute to pinpoint the new sharp pain in her right calf. Always the damn right side! Her eyes grew wide in pain and she reached towards her leg but couldn't seem to move more than a few inches. Looking beseechingly at Neon Yellow she pointed at her calf. She hadn't suffered enough apparently because fate decided now was the perfect time for the worst charlie horse she'd ever had.

She mouthed the words while flinching and really, these two guys were awesome because they both immediately understood. Brian gently grabbed her leg and stretched it out straight while pushing her foot back towards her head, which was just another torture as the pressure from his hand squished her blisters and she's almost positive she felt a few burst. Neon Yellow moved behind her back to stabilize her since she had no strength to counter the force of Brian's gentle pressure. Jesus, she was as weak as a baby right now.

The pain subsided as the spasming muscle stretched out and Darcy sighed in relief. Weakly patting Neon Yellow's leg and trying to convey her mounting gratitude to Brian, Darcy nodded to let them know she was okay now. Well, 'okay' was a relative term, but her calf muscles weren't trying to revolt anymore. That's something. They both moved back to sitting before her, and she noticed Brian's hand had a smudge of blood on it. His eyes widened and then went dark with sympathy as he rubbed it off on the grass. Darcy was too tired to be embarrassed about getting her blood on strangers, but she felt the gratefulness towards him escalate when he didn't even make a grossed out face about it. Sometimes humans were pretty awesome creatures.

Neon Yellow called the girls over, who apparently were told to stay back until the guys were aware of the situation. Darcy snorted mentally, she was less dangerous than a newborn kitten right now. His hand motioned them closer when they both stuttered to a stop when they got an up close view of her. A small nasty part of Darcy wanted to knock the pity out of their eyes with her fist. Sympathy she could handle in this situation because Darcy was pretty sure it was appropriate, but pity was not and she didn't deserve it. She hadn't given up and she was still fighting. The world could suck it.

The girl with muddy blonde hair waved weakly at her with sad eyes and a concerned frown on her face, laying a hand on Neon Yellow's shoulder. "I'm Jay. This is Ty and Riva and that's Brian, since no one thought to tell you," Jay said while pointing at Neon Yellow and the black-haired girl that was moving to pick up the water bottle, and Brian respectively. She forgave both of them for the pity because she was so, so thirsty still and Neon Yellow was too many syllables to keep calling Ty in her mind.

Riva held the bottle up to Darcy's lips and she swallowed the rest of the water in it. A part of her mind frantically hoped they had more, but it would be silly of them to only have one water bottle when they were here by choice and had time to plan supplies, so she tried to calm her clamoring mind. Darcy attempted to pat Riva's knee with her left hand in thanks, but it turned more into an awkward stroke because she couldn't lift her hand back up. Riva smiled kindly in response and set the empty bottle down.

Holy Thor, she wanted to sleep. Every time Darcy blinked her eyelids got harder to open again, each blink becoming longer than the last. She knew she'd already broken through her exhaustion barrier, but now it was all catching up the longer she remained immobile and soon she'd pass out if her 'kid brother' didn't hurry up. Please, please hurry up.

A thump and a metal clang from behind her accompanied that thought and every muscle Darcy didn't even know was still tense turned to jello in relief. She tipped backward and laid flat on her back, eyes locking desperately on Iron Man. She'd never tell Tony but she'd never seen anything more beautiful in her entire life, and if she had tears she'd weep in gratitude.

Safe.

She was safe now.

She wasn't going to die in this hell hole.

She had fought back and she had survived.

She had won.

Riva started and fell back from Darcy, landing on her behind. Brian and Ty leaped to their feet and Jay let out a familiar girly shriek. Darcy couldn't see their expressions because she refused to look away from Tony, struggling to fight that part of her mind that said he wasn't real. Logically she knew Coulson had told Brian he was sending Tony, but those paranoid questions of whether he meant the Avengers or not had burrowed into her mind and half convinced her no one was coming even if she didn't acknowledge those thoughts. So she begged every higher being in existence for Tony to say something and make him real. Begging for Tony to talk was also something she'd die before telling him about.

The face plate of Tony's suit retracted and he knelt on her left side to the sound of mechanical whirls, the knee of his suit making a divot in the ground. "You look like death warmed over Hooters. Also, I know I'm amazing, but you didn't need to swoon at my arrival," he smirked while leaning over her slightly. His tone was playful and carefree but his eyes were running over her face and body cataloguing injuries, his brows tugging into a worried furrow.

Darcy's eyes fell closed and the rush of relief was so strong she felt a little nauseous from it. Her lips twitched upwards and her fingers flexed with the need to have tangible proof he was here, but she just opened her eyes and locked them with his, her obvious relief making his own eyes soften. He must have read her mind though because he removed one of the gauntlets and settled his warm hand against her forehead. She let out a breath and blink slowly. Of course he would understand. He'd been through worse than her and knew the utter despair of being lost in an unknown area and the complete system-ravaging relief when you were found by someone you trusted.

He knew.

She wasn't alone.

He understood.

"Umm...this is your kid brother?" a male voice questioned uncertainly, probably Brian. Hesitantly ripping her eyes from Tony, Darcy nodded once when she saw it was, in fact, Brian that spoke. "I don't really think that's...possible," he continued slowly, as if he wasn't sure he should contradict her in front of Iron Man.

Tony grunted in amusement and smirked at Darcy before looking at the audience in front of them that seemed to still be in shock. He never moved his hand from her, his fingers gently petting her hair. The constant reassurance he was there and not leaving soothed the rough edges that panic and deperation left behind. No matter what happened in the future, no matter what Tony ever did, she would love him like family for the rest of her life just for that.

"Surgery is an amazing thing, isn't it? You wouldn't know it, but she's at least fifty now," Tony said in such a sincere voice that she would have believed him for at least a second or two if she didn't know otherwise. "Modern Medicine at it's finest folks."

Riva, Jay, and Ty were nodding along like it a was a plausible explanation and Brian's forehead wrinkled with a consideration Tony's nonsense didn't deserve. Tony Just turned back to her, dismissing them from his notice and continued his gentle petting. Darcy licked her lips to wet them, but her mouth was still almost bone dry and all she ended up doing was licking up blood.

Tony clicked his tongue at her in reprimand when she scowled and he frowned at the small dribble of blood that trailed across her cheek from the cut she reopened on accident. "Don't do that, you're looking bad enough as it is, no need to add more gore to the equation. We all know you're hurt, stop hamming it up," he chided in a joking tone, but his eyes had gone flat and angry. She knew it wasn't at her, but at what had happened to her, and for some reason that made her feel even safer.

Between one moment and the next the campsite became windy and the engine of a quinjet filled the silence. The four campers jumped and made various noises of shock again, their eyes riveted on the incoming jet. It landed smoothly and surprisingly softly, the back opening to spill out the rest of her "children". Tony made some kind of comment, the campers gasped and swore in surprise, but she couldn't catch any of it as a new desperation filled her so completely her bones ached.

Home.

She could go home now.

Clint, Steve, and Bucky were the first out, followed by Bruce carrying a ridiculously large medical bag and Natasha carrying a scoop stretcher board. Clint nodded reassuringly at Darcy before going to assumably check the perimeter, his lips pulling downward in a severe frown. Bucky's eyes hardened as he saw her condition and he nodded with a clenched jaw as if telling her he'd avenge her treatment and he went the opposite direction of Clint to secure that side. Steve smiled at her in relief and a little sadly before heading towards the four gaping campers, and Bruce and Natasha headed directly for her and Tony. She watched for Thor, then remembered he went to Asgard earlier this week and probably wasn't back yet.

Tony started moving back and an irrational fear that if she lost his warm touch everything would disappear seized Darcy and she let out an embarrassing childlike whine. His eyes went soft in understanding and he shifted so Bruce and Natasha could drop down beside her, his hand never losing contact with her head.

Bruce opened his bag and smiled gently down at her, his always present shyness and hesitancy to touch even his friends made her feel infinitely closer to home. While Natasha started sliding one section of the scooper stretcher under her head and back, Bruce started cataloging her injuries. He took out a collapsible mini IV stand, snapped it into its upright position and attached an IV bag before opening a fresh needle and assembling everything.

Lifting her hand to get his attention, it flopped right back down, but still managed to catch his eye. Bruce quirked an eyebrow in question and she braced herself for the discomfort talking caused. "Drugged," she murmured to him, hoping he understood.

"We found a video of when you were taken and found the syringe that was used. It was a small dose of Sodium Pentothal, it should already be out of your system by now," Bruce assured her. He waited for her relieved nod before continuing to speak. "We're going to start with intravenous rehydration right away before we do anything else since your dehydration is the most dangerous issue right now. Once we get you a little more hydrated we can start some pain medicine and set those fingers and deal with everything else. I'm going to have to cut off your sleeve to get to your arm, okay?" Bruce spoke softly, making eye contact with her the whole time he talked to make sure she understood. Darcy nodded again and Bruce grabbed some scissors and cut her left sleeve around her upper arm and pulled it gently off over her hand, tossing it behind him. Once her arm was bare he took out a packet of large alcohol wipes and started scrubbing at her inner elbow.

Looking away to find one of her favorite spies she found Natasha at her feet, lifting them slightly to slide the other section of the scooper stretcher under them and her ass. Natasha moved to Darcy's right side again and very gently lifted her right arm, being careful not to jar her swollen and broken fingers, and Bruce lifted her left arm. Once both were out of the way Natasha snapped the two sections of the stretcher together, creating a solid slightly curved board.

Looking into the cat green eyes of Natasha and seeing the anger rolling in them beneath the surface almost made Darcy pity her kidnappers because Natasha was protective of those she considered hers. And Darcy was Natasha's just as Natasha was Darcy's.

Family.

Her family was here.

Her super heros were the best.

Somehow she missed the insertion of the IV needle, but she felt that cold crawling feeling under her skin IV liquid always caused and suddenly Tony and Bruce were lifting the stretcher from the ground, Tony's hand still in her hair. They moved smoothly to the quinjet, Steve, Bucky, and Clint appearing right behind them and circling the mini procession.

Darcy thought about protesting them leaving without her thanking the four campers that helped her and called the number she'd asked them too, but she'd never forget their names. She'd find them once she was healed and thank them properly in whatever way she could. They were the beginning of her salvation and they had done all they could to help her, even going so far as to get her blood and sweat on themselves. She didn't know if someone could ever truly repay that level of kindness, but she'd try with everything she had to do so.

Once the stretcher board was set on a more comfortable padded one Bruce and Natasha disassembled it, lifting her arms, detaching the sections, and buckling straps across her stomach and shins so the flight wouldn't move her. The stability of those straps was actually comforting and that was a little worrying since she didn't like being restrained before all this. She was worried about how else she would change because of today.

Clint disappeared into the cockpit while everyone else took seats as close to Darcy as they could, knowing without her having to ask that she needed them close. Natasha sat right next to her, strapped in, and laid her hand on Darcy's bicep. "You did good Sestra. Rest now. We have you," Natasha said quietly, her voice confident.

Darcy shut her eyes slowly and finally a single tear of relief trailed through the blood and dirt marring her cheek, leaving her skin clean and shiny in its wake.

Safe.

She survived.

She fought back and won.

She was home.


	4. Rulers, Staplers, and High Heels

Steve blinked, blinked again, and looked around as if the answer to explain what was in front of him would be on the hallway walls. Glancing behind him to check if anyone was having him on, S.H.I.E.L.D's sterile hallway was empty. Clearing his throat, he took a few hesitant steps forward and studied the old wood desk in front of Level 5's records room.

There was a bright red apple with a perfect bite-sized chunk missing out of it, a wooden container holding wood pencils, a purple ruler in the shape of a giraffe, a black stapler, what looked like a paper log for checking out files, and a shiny call bell that a sign made out of bright yellow construction paper taped to the front of the desk requested he ring for service. A sharp letter opener laid in a pile of wood dust that was presumably from the letters carved into the right corner of the desk. He tilted his head and saw the letters spelled, 'douche canoe'.

Shuffling and glancing around again, Steve slowly reached out and hesitantly rung the bell. There was a muffled call from behind the closed door of the records room informing him whoever it was heard the bell and really, he didn't know why he was so startled by that. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Steve tried to come to terms with this whole situation. Was this a new regulation Fury forgot to mention in his memos? Were there desks like this in front of every records room or was it just for Level Five records?

The heavy automatic door slid open and Steve almost swallowed his tongue. Darcy sauntered out in a long sleeved white dress shirt that was unbuttoned to an almost indecent point and was tucked into a black knee length skin tight skirt, bright red high heels to match her lips, her glasses were cat-like in their shape, and her hair up in a messy bun held in place by two pencils. She smiled brightly at him and smoothly settled into the chair behind the desk, flipping open the file log to a clean page. "Hey there cap," she purred, looking up at Steve through her eyelashes.

Steve coughed and felt a blush burn the tips of his ears as his mouth opened and closed, his mind too overloaded by the visual of her to speak. He took his hands out of his pockets and gestured at the picture she made in disbelief. She arched an eyebrow at his hands and he shoved them right back into his pockets, realizing how silly he looked. Taking a deep breath, he tried for a smile and asked, "Darcy, what are you doing?"

Darcy grinned and adjusted her glasses with her fingers, her nails the same red as her shoes and lipstick, and gestured grandly at her desk and the records room before saying, "I am Level Five's Records Librarian today. Just ask for the files you need, fill out the checkout log, and I'll bring them right to you Blue Eyes."

There were so many questions he wanted to ask concerning this entire situation, but all that came out was, "Why just today?"

She pulled out a desk calendar from a drawer and pointed with the purple giraffe ruler at the date where she'd written in a bright blue glittery ink, 'National School Librarian Day'. Nodding as if that cleared everything up because it really did in connection to Darcy, he picked up a pencil and started filling out the checkout log.

Darcy slid the book back towards herself and scanned his writing before nodding and giving him a surprisingly professional smile. "I'll be right back with those files sir," she assured in a wholly earnest voice that the task didn't call for. She flounced through the records room door after unlocking the iris biometric lock and pressing her thumb in the second scanner, the door closing behind her with a soft snick.

"Captain Roggers!" The rough voice from behind Steve made him startle and turn around with a guilty expression, even though he hadn't done anything wrong. Director Fury was marching down the hallway towards Steve, his black leather coat billowing behind him dramatically as if to emphasize his irritation.

"Director," Steve acknowledge, ignoring the surreal setup behind him.

"Care to tell me what the hell this bullshit is?" Fury demanded, not in the mood to be subtle. Steve didn't even think Fury could be subtle and that's why he had Agent Coulson as his left hand.

"Umm, I'm not entirely sure myself..." Steve was spared from having to explain as the records door slid open and Darcy came out with a small stack of files.

Darcy froze for a split second, her eyes wide, then her face fell into cool professional lines and she smiled pleasantly. Looking at Steve, she held out the files from behind her desk and completely ignored the looming dark shadow behind his shoulder. "Here you are Captain. Double-check them to make sure they're the ones you requested and then sign your name on the log before you leave please," she said, never once losing that professional smile, but her eyes seemed to be screaming just a little.

Valiantly swallowing a laugh, Steve took the files and smiled back just as pleasantly, studiously ignoring the Director's growl. He nodded as he scanned through the files, signed his name on the log, and put the pencil back into the wooden container. "Thank you, Miss. Lewis, they're all correct," he calmly said, his tone thankful.

"I'm glad to be of help Mr. Roggers. Please return them by the end of the work day and remember not to take them off the premises. Have a good day now," she warmly replied, smoothing her skirt to sit behind her desk, looking every bit the sexy librarian.

"You as we-"

"Are you all insane!? Nevermind, of course you are. Lewis, why the hell are you playing secretary for the file room and is that my stapler?" Fury exploded, interrupting Steve and striding around him to point at the stapler and glare menacingly down at Darcy. "My assistant has been swamped all morning by calls from agents complaining that their office supplies went missing, and Agent Pickellow in Human Resources swears his desk disappeared. I'm a busy man Lewis, and I don't need your fucking bullshit taking up my lunch time!"

Darcy gulped, panicked eyes flicking towards Steve, before rallying and straitening in her chair. "I'll have you know I'm playing librarian Director and I'm actually doing you a favor. Agents are always complaining about how they can never find the files they need in this records room, so I decided to provide my awesome organization skills and fix the problem. You're welcome. Also, Agent Pickellow is a useless misogynist and a sexual predator. He actually grabbed my boob the other day and asked to see how they looked when I bounced on top of him. After I kicked Prickellow in the balls and asked him to show me how they bounced when I kicked them again, I reported the incident and was told Prickellow was just like that and to ignore or avoid him.

"I don't know what kind of show you're running here, but you can imagine my anger and the injustice I felt when I received that response. So, I may have taken his desk and BORROWED your stapler in revenge. If it makes you feel any better, I was going to return the stapler at the end of the day after I broke his desk into little pieces and lit it on fire. I am sorry about your lunch, though," Darcy rapidly said, getting more agitated with each word until she finished with a seemingly sincere apology.

Steve was appalled at this Agent Pickellow's behavior and couldn't believe he wasn't reprimanded or fired from treating his co-workers like that. He knew sexism was still alive and flourishing in some places, especially in a male-dominated field like S.H.I.E.L.D, but Pickellow's actions went far beyond anything he'd seen here so far. Somehow, Darcy being told to just ignore that kind of behavior by the supervisor she reported it to was almost more disturbing.

Director Fury blinked slowly, rocked back on his heels, and studied Darcy closely. "Who did you report the incident to?" He question in a voice Steve recognized as his interrogation voice.

"The head of Human Resources, Agent Fredrik. And really, Human Resources is there partly so that agents can submit any complaints, but if they're the ones causing the problem, the complaint is dismissed and they close ranks. It's ridiculous and someone really needs to monitor them once in a while," Darcy ranted slightly, the residual frustration from the experience breaking through to show on her face.

Fury didn't express any kind of reaction to that and just continued on with his questioning. "You said you organized all the files in this record room. Is there a guide to where they're each located?"

"Yes, it's taped on the shelf to the right of door when you walk in."

"How did you get the desk out of Agent Pickellow's office and down six floors without anyone noticing?"

"I'll never tell."

"How did you get into my office?"

"I'll never admit to that ever happening, so I couldn't tell you."

"Don't think I didn't notice you did this at least halfway because it's National School Librarian Day. I believe we had a discussion about national holidays not being an acceptable excuse when you charged five hundred dollars to a S.H.I.E.L.D charge card for peanut butter and jelly doughnuts on National Peanut Butter and Jelly day," Fury said in reprimand.

"Well, it's also National Tell A Lie Day, but I figured S.H.I.E.L.D had that covered, so this was the next best option. Just be thankful I didn't try to outdo S.H.I.E.L.D's ability to lie. I considered convincing every S.H.I.E.L.D agent that today was your birthday and you were expecting each one of them to pay fealty before the end of the day. This day could be so much worse for you really," Darcy sniffed regally, as if Fury should thank her for her restraint.

Fury grunted, his lips twitching, nodding in acknowledgment of that last comment. Darcy was very talented when it came to convincing anyone to believe whatever she wanted them to believe. He would bet almost all of the agents that didn't personally know Darcy would have shown up. "You will return this desk to Human Resources by the end of the day Lewis," fury commanded, and continued speaking right over her protests, "and you'll be in the conference room in the HR department tomorrow morning at six for a disciplinary hearing."

While leaning against the wall, Steve's head snapped up from the file he'd been reading while enjoying their verbal sparring and furrowed his eyebrows. Darcy getting punished while the other agent wasn't didn't seem right. Darcy apparently agreed.

"Really? You're going to punish me while that douche canoe gets away with sexually harassing everything with breasts!?" She demanded in outrage, standing stiffly from her chair to slam her hands on the desk and lean into Fury's space. "That's bullshit!"

The Director didn't even twitch in response to her aggression, his face held in placid unamused lines as he drawled, "Agent Pickellow's disciplinary hearing."

Steve and both Darcy both looked sheepish at having jumped to the wrong conclusion, and Darcy's aggressive stance relaxed into a chastised one. She grasped her hands together behind her back and looked up at Fury through her eyelashes innocently, sending him an apologetic smile. "Yes, Sir," she replied meekly.

Fury snorted and glowered at her, not buying the act for a second. "Next time you're overcome with the desire to organize files, ask permission. And stop stealing," he commanded, grabbed his stapler, and turned with a flourish of his coat, stalking back down the hallway.

Steve and Darcy were quiet until Fury turned a corner and the sound of his footsteps faded away. In the sudden silence Darcy's relieved sigh was unusually loud and Steve couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled out at how she seemed to bonelessly sink into her chair, her head thumping against the top of the desk.

"You're a one of a kind doll," Steve said fondly in response to the questioning sound she made into the desk.

She picked up her head and set her chin on folded arms with a coy smile and a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "You flirting with me soldier?" she asked with a flutter of her eyelashes.

Steve spluttered and fumbled with the files as he almost dropped them, pink splashing across his cheeks. "N-no," he denied, blaming his embarrassing stuttering on the abruptness of the question.

"You wanna be?" Darcy tempted with a slightly wicked grin. Her voice was teasing and flippant, but her eyes were serious and cautiously hopeful.

He swallowed, paused, thought about it, and plucking up his courage he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do," Steve murmured. Walking to stand in front of her temporary desk, he smiled down at her slightly and his smile grew into a grin when she smiled back at him, a becoming blush dusting her cheeks. "Would you like to get coffee sometime Miss Lewis?"

Darcy's heart fluttered ridiculously in her chest and she couldn't stop the silly grin that split her lips, a perfect match to his stupidly goofy grin. "Yeah, I'd like that Steve."

A/N: fuckyeahdarcylewis April Challenge, Day Four. National Holidays are Walk Around Things Day / Tell a Lie Day / School Librarian Day, and I used the last two. I needed to write something silly after my last story in this series and this is what happened. lol

Also, I realized I've been making the huge mistake of completely disregarding the fact that Darcy wears glasses for the last four parts in this series! *Embarrassed face* That will be corrected from now on, and I'll eventually go back and fix that error.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! ^.^


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